Tuesday, September 8, 2009
080909
It has never occur to me that just a simple decision made by two parties will lead to such unhappiness in others (including me). Ive never thought of me being one of the people who'll be having such negative and selfish thoughts of her. Im really guilty of it.
When I saw her text "I know you'll always be here for me" its as if guilt was eating up my heart. I felt really bad of my complains about her just before things happened. I shouldnt even be doubtful of her in the very first place, Im her pillar of strength, Im supposed to be permanent. It hurts to hear her cry over the phone yet have no ways to make things any better.
Ive never felt this helpless, Ive really ran out of ideas of how I could help. But at least one thing that I can be glad about tonight will definitely be me being (unusually) calm in the midst of trying to salvage things (although was to no avail). I really hope situation will improve, Im not habouring any hopes for things to be absolutely fine any sooner because what has happened really shocked me.
I know you wouldnt give a damn about whats happening in my life / you might never even see this / wouldnt even be paying the least attention to this place you might've long forgotten but this time Im really lost and I need a private place to rant, at least I know, so long as none of us delete this space, this place will be permanent.
Too many things / people are just temporary, Im losing trust in them. Im still glad for your presence, if not for your presence this blog wouldnt have existed. This blog and you will always remain as ppl / place I'll always trust and come back to no matter how much time has passed.
I just hope things are well in your life, and jiayou for the remaining papers + O's.