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Friday, April 17, 2009
170409

Today was one of the worst day of the week. Towards the very end of the entire aac prefs were giving all their unpleasing attitude. Which really stressed me out. Its not as if Im going home and Im leaving them there. I was in school still it closes and they were giving me those effing attitude when they were only asked to wait a little more for the guest of honour to leave for debreif. Thats extremely disappointing. And the worst things were my foot hurts like crap and Ive yet eaten anything since like last night. I was really on the verge of a nervous breakdown at that moment and tears were already flowing like it never gonna end. But people still dont understand.

These days, Ive really realised no matter how much effort you've put into things, when its never gonna work theres really no way out. I just dont know how to describe the way I feel now, its a perplex feeling that has been kept in my heart for a long long time. Honestly speaking each time I hear about you my heart really sink. Theres no way out of this, I dont know why. Ive tried to move on like how you did, but I really cant. Im really sick of it affecting me, sometimes I do wish I could give up on everything, every single thing in my life and just . Sigh.

It doesnt matter if you're never gonna read this, I just need someone / some place to listen to me, for me to let it all out. Now at this very moment and period of time Ive lost my pillar of strength, totally. The feeling to be lost, so lost and helpless it really sucks.